


He's Mine! No, He's Mine!

by ariawrites



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Fluff, M/M, and totally ridiculous, i don't know what this is, i guess, it's so dumb
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-15
Updated: 2019-04-15
Packaged: 2020-01-14 17:50:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,931
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18481309
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ariawrites/pseuds/ariawrites
Summary: Yuuri would come to regret wishing for Victor's presence the night before the Grand Prix Final...





	1. Chapter One

**Author's Note:**

> I'm cleaning out my drafts, I have like 6 fully written YOI fics in my drafts, ready to be posted, including this one and they've been neglected because of Dead Men Tell No Tales so I'm basically posting as and when I sit down and proof read each chapter for them! 
> 
> This....I don't know what this is. It's ridiculous, it's dumb...hopefully it'll make you guys laugh?

Yuuri had woken up alone, in a dark room, with no Victor in sight. It had taken him a moment to remember where he was. _Barcelona…..the Gand Prix Final….that's right._ It was that thought that had him taking a trip through his memory, his competitors programs rushing through his head. It wasn't long before he was very close to freaking out. It was the memories of the last Grand Prix Final he'd attended that pushed him over the edge. He buried his face in his pillow, feeling suddenly very sad and very alone…and very in need of a certain Russian.

"Where are you Victor? I need you" he murmured to himself. He wasn't to know that he'd come to regret those words very, _very_ soon. He was too lost in his own head to hear the familiar voices out in the hallway, but he couldn't miss the door to he and Victors room slamming open and the lights being thrown on.

"Yuuri I'm freezing, will you draw me a hot bath? I can't feel my toes!" Yuuri looked towards the sound of Victors voice, wincing slightly at the sudden flare of light. He completely missed what Chris was saying, because Victor was standing there in his swimming trunks, a towel wrapped around him making him look like the Russian version of ET. But with hair…and…abs….very…very firm….abs. Yuuri stared. "You were still sleeping?" he forcibly moved his gaze up to Victors face….in time to see the Russian throw his towel to the side and…. _oh no….NO!_ Victor launched himself at Yuuri, Chris not far behind. Yuuri tried to scramble backwards but Victor got to him first. Yuuri suddenly found himself buried under Victor. Which normally he wouldn't mind….but….

"YOU'RE FREEZING" he screeched, as Victors arms wound around his neck, making sure they were pressed together. He started to snuggle in to Yuuri…but Chris shoved him to the side, grabbing Yuuri's arm and clinging on. "Quit clinging to me, both of you!" Yuuri demanded. But they ignored him.

Yuuri quite enjoyed the idea of Victor clinging to him, wanting Yuuri to warm him up. He'd quite like to relax and ease his anxiety by snuggling the Russian until he was warm again. But that nice little mental image wasn't going to happen. Victor was practically smothering him as he struggled to keep his prime position, laying across Yuuri, clinging on to an arm and his neck like a monkey, while Chris was clinging to his other arm, trying to push Victor out of the way. _Why is this happening to me?_ He whined internally.

"Warm me too Yuuri, I always thought we missed our chance" Chris said seductively, wriggling in to Yuuri's side more and winking up at him. Yuuri looked at him, blinking. _Missed our chance? What's he talking about?_ Yuuri was confused, he'd met Chris before, and they'd chatted but there had never been anything flirty between them….well… _not until that ass grab anyway. What was that all about anyway?_ Yuuri shook his head.

"What are you talking about?" Yuuri asked Chris. Victor, who'd been moving around…snuggling….on Yuuri, way more than was appropriate with someone else in such close proximity, suddenly went still.

"Aw don't play coy, you seemed to enjoy my….moves at the b-" Chris was cut off by a glaring Victor who evidently didn't like Chris's comments and had kicked him off of the bed. The skater hit the floor with a loud thump. Victor had moved again, and was once again pressed against Yuuri, from head to toe. Yuuri couldn't quite see, Victor was sort of smothering him a bit still, but he was sure Victor was glaring at Chris. _What's his problem?_ Yuuri wondered.

Chris shot to his feet. "Really Victor? You would resort to such a dirty trick to get Yuuri all to yourself?"

"My Yuuri" Victor said childishly, tightening his hold.

"Come now Victor, you were there. Don't you think I deserve my chance too?" Chris said, teasingly. Victor wasn't amused.

"I'm not joking Chris, stay away" Victor growled. Yuuri stared in surprise. Chris crept closer and closer to Victor.

"But i'm so cold Victor….I just want him to warm me a little" Chris pouted. Victor was about to retort when Chris pounced. He was merciless in his attack. Unfortunately for Yuuri he was trapped under Victor as he struggled helplessly against the onslaught of Chris's tickling. Victor tried so hard to keep his grip, but he was ultimately powerless against Chris's wriggling fingers.

"Noooooooo" Victor wailed as he accidentally released his grip. Chris shoved Victor off of Yuuri triumphantly. But Victor recovered quickly and sprang back up, shoving Chris away before he could take Victors spot. The next thing Yuuri knew he had a Russian clinging to one arm and a Swiss clinging to the other.

"He's mine" Victor said, giving Yuuri's arm a sharp tug.

"No, he's mine" Chris said, with a tug on Yuuri's other arm.

"I saw him first!" Victor said with another tug.

"Actually I think you'll find I did…" Chris said with another tug.

"Um..are we still talking about…uh…me being a heating pad for you two?" Yuuri butted in tentatively.

"SHHHHHH" they both hissed at him. Yuuri jerked back.

"I was at one of the qualifiers with him. You didn't see him until the Final" Chris said triumphantly. Yuuri shuddered at the dark glare on Victors face. He'd never seen him so…. _angry_ before.

"He's mine. My Yuuri!" Victor insisted.

"I'm not a human heating pad, I'm a human being!" Yuuri shrieked as they kept tugging him between the two of them.

"Yes, I saw you mark your territory on live TV" Chris snickered. "But it means nothing against my mature Eros" Chris smirked. Yuuri looked to Victor and felt a chill at the Russian's expression. Victor launched himself at Chris and the two went flying on to the floor. Yuuri didn't quite see what happened next, he'd moved backwards for his own safety, but it ended with Chris bundled up in a blanket on Victors bed, eyes peeking out and blinking owlishly.

"Unless you want a photo from your days as a sweet, pure little Swiss boy, to make their way to Instagram…you stay right there. Got it?" Victor cooed, Victor turned back to Yuuri who had been quietly shuffling away.

"Where do you think you're going? I'm still cold" Victor demanded. Yuuri flushed.

"Um…ah….uuur…"

Moments later Yuuri was wrapped up in Victors arms as Victor snuggled in to him under their blanket. His icey cold limbs sending chills through Yuuri. Yuuri couldn't relax though. Couldn't enjoy it. Not with their…spectator.

"But there's plenty of room, this is totally unfair! I just wanted to be warmed, how could you be so cruel?!" Chris whined, apparently unable to claw his way out of the cocoon Victor had wrapped him in.

"Don't be ridiculous Chris, Yuuri and I can barely fit as it is" Victor responded cheerfully, snuggling in further.

"You don't have to rub it in" Chris muttered and Victor's smile grew. "You're just worried that if I'm there Yuuri will realise that we belong together after our-" Chris was cut off when a pillow smacked him in the face.

"Pipe down Chris, it's snuggling time" Victor said evenly.

"Why must you leave me out in the cold like this? So unfeeling" Chris complained.

Yuuri sighed. It was going to be a long night.


	2. Alternate Ending!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ignorance is bliss Yuuri....
> 
> Because why not make it even more ridiculous than it already was? Less is more who?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, when I originally wrote this back in 2017 I couldn't decide how to end it...so I did it two different ways and this is when it got even more ridiculous.

"You don't have to rub it in" Chris muttered and Victors smile grew. Yuuri could feel it. "You're just worried that if I'm there Yuuri will realise that we belong together after our-" Chris was cut off when a pillow smacked him in the face.

"Pipe down Chris. Everyone knows Yuuri and I where the best dan-" Victor was cut off by a gasp, swiftly followed by a pillow hitting him in the back.

"How dare you! I must have hit a nerve" Chris said, smirking. "What's the matter Victor? Worried if he spends too much time with me he'll recall our burning chemistry?" Chris asked innocently. Victor made a sound that Yuuri had only ever heard from one other Russian. He snarled. Then he spun to face Chris.

"You take that back right now. Yuuri only has burning chemistry with one person." Victor said.

"Make me" Chris said with a shit eating grin. _Dammit Chris do you have to wind him up, right now? Seriously?_ Victor responded to the challenge, and he and Chris swiftly became embroiled in an intense pillow fight, giggles….yes. _Giggles._ Ringing throughout the hotel room.

 _Why. Why is this happening to me? How did we even get here?_ Yuuri sighed and started to climb out of bed, warily skirting the battling skaters. He was close to the door when he felt it. A hand grabbed his arm. _No. No please. I was so close._

"Yuri, don't leave me!" Victor whined, hugging Yuuris arm "I'm fighting for our honour!"

"You have no honour Victor" Chris laughed, "Or you'd let Yuuri experience…well…me" Chris grinned wolfishly, running his finger up Yuuri's arm.

"Chris. Please don't drag me back in to this" He pleaded.

"Too late" Chris sang, as Victors pillow came sailing at Chris's head, narrowly missing Yuuri.

"Will you watch where you're aiming that thing?!" Yuuri screeched at an unapologetic Victor.

"He's completely lost his sense, he keeps uttering complete nonsense. As his friend, it's my duty to beat some back in to him" Victor said solemnly. Yuuri rolled his eyes. He didn't understand half of what they were saying, but he really wasn't in the mood to get tangled up in whatever game the two where playing.

"I'm just saying, you can't keep him all to yourself Victor" Chris butted in, hugging Yuuri's free arm.

"I can and I will" Victor said primly.

"No, you can't." Yuuri once again found himself being tugged back and forth. But this time there where pillows involved, and each sentence was punctuated with a hit. Yuuri ducked and dodged.

"Yes, I can"

"No, you can't"

"Yes!"

"NO! You could at least let some of us have a chance! You saw the sparks!"

"That was falling champagne, you were drunk. There were no sparks" Victor retorted. Victor and Chris settled in to a debate, and Yuuri extricated himself carefully, slowly backing towards the door. It wasn't long before Victor and Chris erupted in to another furious pillow fight. Yuuri sighed in relief, turned and fled out the door.

He paced the hallway. He had nowhere to go. Not while Chris and Victor were having their bizarre argument. He knew they weren't really fighting. Chris was teasing Victor about something, but Yuuri wasn't sure what. It was clearly something he was supposed to remember. Either way, Chris could be as over dramatic as Victor when he wanted, and when the two of them were together, teasing and hurling fake insults at each other….Yuuri preferred to be away from it. It gave him a headache and that was when he understood what they were talking about. He sighed heavily. He was so tired. He just wanted to sit down and relax. There was only one place he could go. He would have to throw himself on the other skaters mercy. If he had any. Yuuri approached the door next to he and Victors finally. He took a deep breath and then knocked. He nervously fiddled with his hands while he waited.

The door swung open and Yuuri turned to face his saviour. He hoped.

"What do you want pork cutlet bowl?" Yurio drawled.

"I'm coming to you, here and now. Desperate and in need of refuge. I only ask that you show me that small shred of compassion that I know lies within you" Yuuri said. Yurio raised his eyebrows.

"What are you talking about? You've been spending too much time with Victor. So over dramatic." Yurio said with an eye roll, starting to close his door.

"You have no idea" Yuuri muttered, quickly grabbing Yurio by the arm.

"Hey, no touching!" Yurio snarled as Yuuri's fingers enclosed his upper arm. Yuuri started to tug the younger Russian towards the next door. "Don't manhandle me! Hey! Are you listening to me?!" Yurio growled. Yuuri ignored him. _He'll understand as soon as he sees this. He has to. I know Yurio. He cares really…deep down. Way deep down._ He put the key card in the slot, while managing to maintain his grip on the struggling teenager. Yuuri took a deep breath and pushed open the door.

Yuuri and Yurio were instantly assaulted by feathers and shouting. A pillow whizzed past and hit the wall by their heads. Yurio stared, stunned. Yuuri just gazed at it all blankly. _The maids are going to kill us. We'll be kicked out. We'll be on the streets in a foreign country._ Yuuri thought morosely.

"I can't take it. Please. Just until Chris leaves" Yuuri pleaded.

"HEY" Yurio yelled, gaining Chris and Victors attention instantly.

"YURIOOOOO" they both cried. "You were there, you saw everything, tell Chris-"

"I'm not playing your stupid game. Clean this mess up when you're finished." Yurio stared around one more time before sneering. "Like little children" he practically spit the words.

"But Yurioooooo"

"NYET. AND KEEP IT QUIET" Yurio shouted in to the room before slamming the door on Victor and Chris's repeated pleas to join them. The young Russian sniffed in disgust, before turning and heading back towards his room. _Well…at least he tried to help…sort of. I think…._ Yuuri thought, staring blankly after the boy. Suddenly Yurio's head appeared around the door frame.

"What are you waiting for? I don't have all day. Are you so slow because you're old?" Yurio snapped.

"God bless you, you little Russian angel" Yuuri cried with joy, throwing his arms out for a hug as he sped towards the open hotel door, leaving the children in his room to fend for themselves.

"Don't touch me again. And make sure no-one sees you come in. I can't have my reputation sullied by fraternising with the competition as if we were…. _friends_ " Yuuri stopped.

"Why Yurio, why do you have to be so cold like that?" Yuuri said, hiding his smile as he followed Yurio in to his room.

Yurio settled on to his bed, his game console already back in hand. Yuuri and Victor had wanted a room with one double bed, but the hotel had been booked out by all the skaters so they'd had to settle for a double, which meant that Yurio's room was a mirror image. Yuuri settled on to the spare bed and looked at the Russian.

"What?" Yurio snapped, without looking up from his game. When Yuuri didn't respond, the younger boy finally paused his game long enough to look up at him. Long enough to see Yuuri gazing at him. Yurio stared back for a moment.

"Don't get any ideas pork cutlet bowl" Yurios eyes narrowed. "I don't snuggle" Yuuri continued to look at him, and Yurio started to become distinctly uncomfortable. But before he could say anything Yuuri looked him dead in the eye.

"Thank you" he said genuinely. Yuuri had wanted a distraction from his spiralling thoughts, but not quite like that. He'd envisioned snuggling with Victor. A pep talk perhaps. But not Victor and Chris doing whatever weird friendship thing they were doing. It had been like they'd decided to put on a play. An incredibly bizarre play. He still hadn't come up with any ideas about what they could have been referring too. He'd have to ask Victor later. Yuuri shook his head and looked back at Yurio.

Yurio looked mildly uncomfortable, but there was a slight flush to his cheeks, and it looked like he might be….is he…. _oh my God. He's totally trying not to smile. Aw. I knew we were friends really! Don't make a big deal of it Yuuri, or he'll clam up and snap. Play it cool._

Yuuri nodded his head. Yurio looked at him for a moment and then just shrugged, returning to his game. Yuuri made himself comfortable, and dug his phone out of his pocket. He started to idly scroll through Instagram. _What the?! When did they have time to take selfies!? And….they took action shots of each other?! You've gotta be kidding me. I'm going to murder them. Maybe Yurio will help me. We might not be, 'call you to help me bury the body' buddies yet but we're definitely at murder friends._ Yuuri was jolted out of his thoughts by a quiet Russian voice.

"If you want….I have another handset." Yuuri looked at the boy with surprise. Yurio shifted uncomfortably. "What? It's awkward with you just sitting there." he tossed the spare handheld console to Yuuri who deftly caught it. "Besides. It's the old model. It's not as good. I only bring it as a backup in case this one breaks or something" Yurio muttered, refusing to look at Yuuri. Yuuri clasped the small machine to his chest, touched.

"I knew you loved me really Yurio"

"Don't make it weird" Yurio snapped, before disappearing back behind the small screen and returning to his game. Yuuri smiled and settled down once again, switching the small console on and getting ready to spend the evening in peace and quiet, with his mind well and truly distracted from any anxiety.


End file.
